once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
