Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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