I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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