U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
this just has baby written all over it
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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