If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
