I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize