I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
