I'm jealous of your bromance
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
