Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize