mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?