i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls