god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
