my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
