I want to make a zoo with you.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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