my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
