I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Houston, we have a squirter
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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