Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
