Sponge bath it is.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
