It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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