so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
