And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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