Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
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Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
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New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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