I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just pee around me
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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