I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize