you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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