ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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