i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
