You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I faked an abortion last night.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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