sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Did I show you my penis last night?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
