That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
