how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
