Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
