I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
