As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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