so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
