just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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