Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
