So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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