I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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