So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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