i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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