I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
