sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
