I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
fuck your aforementioned shoe
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
