Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
