Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
