You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
