The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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