You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
