ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
