I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
