I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
