Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
