how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
