Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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