I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
