So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
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Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
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No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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