If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
